


instrument

by kindmisha



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-17 06:43:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5858404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindmisha/pseuds/kindmisha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being used constantly and consistently get tiresome after while. Castiel can only hope it finally comes to an end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	instrument

**Author's Note:**

> **Note** : Not an episode tag, but spoilers for 11.10 The Devil in the Details and 11.11 Into the Mystic.
> 
>  **Also thanks to**[dreammaidenn](http://dreammaidenn.livejournal.com/) for the beta work, all remaining mistakes are all mine.

They feed ducklings next.

It’s a completely different park this time, Castiel notices there are far less people in this one and no evidence of angels.

Lucifer chooses a completely secluded bench anyway. Near a small stream, with beautiful brown ducks that are happily swimming in circles. The day is bitter and cold, but a natural cold, not something manufactured by Lucifer.

However, Lucifer’s usual theatrics are absent, he seems too concentrated on his plans. He’s far too focused on thinking how to kill Amara, so he leaves Castiel to his own devices.

Castiel isn’t sure if he’d rather the mental torment.

Lucifer is reviewing the pages he stole from the bunker storage, Castiel isn’t really certain how they are relevant and Lucifer prevents him from seeing it, somehow and he’s not really quite sure if he’s interested in it anyway.

As long as Amara is dealt with.

As long as his sacrifice is worth it.

 

* * *

The most upsetting thing about saying yes, it’s the fact that Dean doesn’t have a clue about Lucifer’s act. Castiel tries not to let it get to him, he believes even Dean would neglect to notice the devil’s obvious presence. Lucifer knows exactly where to target Dean and how.

Lucifer’s far too direct, and his tone is completely wrong and off. But he says what Castiel has been too terrified to say and judging by the scared look on Dean’s face, he’s saying things he’s scared to address as well.

When Lucifer places his hand on Dean’s shoulder, Dean searches his eyes for something and some small part of him prays that he says something to continue the conversation, to address the feelings that are there. But he knows that is too good to be true. Plus, he’s certain he’s imagining things that are no longer there, if there ever were.

Castiel just retreats after that, happy to let Lucifer take control. He finally gets jolted back when he hears Dean speaking to him again. He says they would talk later, keeping the subject matter of their conversation private. He said they would talk later.

Only, Castiel knows later will never come.

 

* * *

Castiel is trapped with his own thoughts and feelings, something that has plagued him lately. He could filter them with a task or chore and more often with just mindless television. But now he’s completely unable to leave.

Metatron’s words come echoing back, he’d been furious at the time not because he was offended. He didn’t want to face or address what was underneath his words.

But he know he’s right, he’s a tool and nothing more.

Even Amara is right, her words harsh, but there truth behind them. He’s expendable, a tool. An instrument for people to wield as they see fit and then toss him aside when they no longer need him.

 

* * *

Lucifer’s now taken them on a walk somewhere, and he’s still lost deep in his thoughts and he ignores Castiel still.  
  
He tries his hardest to not be offended that neither Dean nor Sam bothered to fill him in on what they’re hunting. Clearly it’s not dangerous or risky, considering they’ve not called him in to act as healer or provide any source of information. He’s not needed. They seem to only care for him when he needs to care for them.

Castiel tries to assure himself that it’s his negative attitude, the self deprecation weighing on his shoulder, but a smaller voice in his head speaks otherwise.

Lucifer does check Castiel’s phone as he walks along the path, in an attempt to keep up the act. There are no calls or notifications by either Sam or Dean.

 

* * *

Even with the effects of Rowena’s spell leaving him panic stricken and shaken. So afraid he wasn’t able to leave the bunker. Neither Sam or Dean had asked him how petrified he’d been or noticed how jittery and anxious he was. Or how he seemed to be on a constant state of a mental breakdown.

They’d ordered him to rest his body, but they hadn’t addressed the problems in his head. 

Plus, Castiel feels too selfish asking them for any help at all, he feels like he would only burden them more. That’s all he ever was. A burden. When he wasn’t being useful he was an object.

“Damn, you are one self deprecating soul, aren’t you?” Lucifer asks, shocking Castiel out of his train of thought, he hadn’t even realized the devil had been listening to him at any point.

  
Castiel is completely silent after that. He’s tried his best not to think at all.

 

* * *

Castiel just retreats completely, he longer wants to watch, he can only hope  Lucifer kills Amara. As long as Sam and Dean are safe. As long as the world is safe.

 

* * *

Then hopefully he tosses Castiel’s empty shell for someone to pick up and use again.

Only he knows he probably won’t be that lucky.

**Author's Note:**

> Castiel's current situation hit a little too close to home for me, this just sort of poured out.


End file.
